Dethdrabbles
by thetoastlives
Summary: Basically any super-short stuff I write for Metalocalypse. T because of Charles being naughty by himself, though only a mention, and possibly swears. Sorry in advance for the accents.
1. Vomiting in the Bassist's Lap

"I I'm, uh, I'm, uh,d-drunk."  
"Tho?"  
"I-I think, ah, I, uh, I think I might, like, ah, vah, uh, vahmot. vahmoot. vahma- vah-"  
And then the bastard vomited in the bassist's lap and giggled in slow motion.  
It was quite disturbing, actually. Well, at least it would have been had it not happened regularly for as long as any of them could remember. Which, because of copious amounts of alcohol, was not a very far stretch back.


	2. Air Guitar

Pickles looked either way and locked his door. What he was about to could never be seen or mentioned to anyone. The shame and distaste that would surely follow would cripple his chances of ever being able to face the band, or anyone for that matter, again.

After a few moments to assure no one was walking down the hall to pester him, the drunk oh so softly pulled an old album from beneath his bed. He put it in a so called 'metal' record player and put on the needle.  
He and Cyndi Lauper sang their hearts out that night, Pickles wholeheartedly off key and throwing spittle all over the bottle of beer he used as a Mic.

This was the reason Pickles didn't go out thursday night. Every thursday night. Ever.


	3. A Bunch of Sexy Scandinavian Btches

"Hey"

"No"

"But I doesn't even-"

"I knows. But you ams always beings dildos, so de answers always ams no."

"But you can't even hears what I was sayings first?"

"No. It ams a dildos question, because you is ams a dildos."

"Skwisgaar, you ams always being a dick to me and I ams not doing anything wrong."

"Stops being stupids, likes always."

"Stops beings dildos!"

"No, you stops being dildos!"

"You copies me! You ams always copies what I say! Stops copies me!"

"You stops copies me den!"

"No, stops copies me!"

And rather quickly, the simple conversation degenerated to two grown men squealing, rolling around on the ground, and pulling each other's hair like a bunch of little bitches. A bunch of sexy scandinavian bitches, but bitches nonetheless.


	4. Dealing with Stress

Charles rubbed the scandinavian arguments, drunken gropings, and liters of piss that filled the carpet out of his temples. He pressed the homosexual accusations, hundreds of ill-willing cherry bombs, and gallons of spilled black nail polish out of the bridge of his nose. And, last but not least, he fucked all of the hundreds of deaths at the latest concert, all of the legal issues he worked day and night to solve, and even all the goddamn PR screw ups out of his ass with the long abused handle of a hairbrush and a shit ton of olive oil. Because, goddamn, if he hadn't found a way to absolve himself of all the stress in his everyday life, he'd have died of a heart attack or in some 'unmetal' or 'unbrutal' fashion.

And that, dears, he tugged out of his weeping cock.


	5. The Cause of the Current Recession

Baby blues whirled around, a ghost of confusion pulling at a candy stuffed mouth.

"Um... what ams you doing?"

A grease smeared brown moustache spread.

"Eating. Butter."

Those eyes flit to a set of irish green ones.

"I um... why you does this?"

A stick of yellow is shoved down a skinny throat, which swallows it astoundingly without a gag.

"Cause we I can Iya little norwegian douchebag."

"I ums... I don't understands...?"

Lard smattered hands wipe a similarly surfaced mouth and a growling boom of a voice is heard.

"You uh... can't have any."

He hadn't wanted any but now he had to have some.

"But... why amn't I having any?"

This was answered by a swedish shade of cackle, barely marred by nondairy product.

"Norwegian butters crisis. Likkle Toki amnt's haves any butters!"

"But... But I amn't even lives in norway in likes... in likes six years!"

**Sadly, the other four had not considered this when they spent millions of dollars building a fort and thrones out of butter. It also didn't stop them from eating all of said butter and not allowing Toki to have any. **


End file.
